Thursday, 11 November 2010

Dear Borris...

Dear Borris


I get the over land train to work and back every day.  I noticed you have now started urging people to ride their bicycles to work instead.  Is that because you too, see what a revolting experience it is to be on any train or tube for longer than ten minutes a day?  Just wondering???

So i thought I might write to you about and suggest a few additions to the constitution, or perhaps to urge the graceful English public to improve their railway manners...


  • Please don't sneeze on me (this actually happened this morning, i almost threw up)
  • please don't speak at the TOP of your voice.  No one wants to hear how badly educated you are.
  • Please don't snog your girlfriend/boyfriend/homosexual life partner.  get a room.
  • please don't puke on the train.  if you are seriously that pissed, get a cab so you don't have to share your splatter with the rest of London
  • PLEASE DON'T SIT NEXT TO ME.  ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE IS A WHOLE CABIN OF EMPTY SEATS.  I mean, are you for real?  I have no desire to smell your lack of hygiene. 
  • please don't give me evil eyes when i don't stand up for you and offer you my seat.  You are not pregnant, you're just a bit overweight, and if you are pregnant, you are far too young and should probably offer me a seat.
  • please don't bring your pitbull on the train.  It does not make you any cooler or more mucho, you are still a filthy chav.
  • Put your head down, don't make eye contact, pretend you are writing an email on your blackberry and don't miss your stop.
Thanks for your consideration....

Kind regards

XX
MM



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